Ladies Night

7 Embarrassing Sex Questions – Answered!

2007-04-27T15:00:00Z

1. I’ve never had an orgasm during intercourse. Is something wrong with me?
“If you can’t have orgasms with intercourse, you’re normal,” assures Stephanie Buehler, PsyD, director of the Buehler Institute for sex therapy in Irvine, California. “Sometimes women get upset because their partners say “My last lover could have orgasms, so there must be something wrong with you.”

Now, assuming you don’t kick him to the curb for being an insensitive cad, you’re well within your rights to point out that about 70% of women don’t orgasm during intercourse without direct clitoral stimulation. You can also clue him in to the fact that it’s perfectly OK for one of you to lend a hand. “Touching your clitoris during sex really ups the chances that you’ll have an orgasm,” says Carol Queen, PhD, staff sexologist for the online sex toy boutique Good Vibrations (goodvibes.com).

If you’ve never experienced an orgasm – and about 10% of women have not – you might consider investing in some slippery lube (not oil, which can irritate sensitive vaginal tissues) and spend some time experimenting alone. Don’t get discouraged if there are no immediate fireworks. “The first time, it might take an hour of stimulation to produce an orgasm; it might also take many tries to get comfortable with the feelings of strong arousal,” says Buehler.

2. Where’s my G spot?
That’s the million-dollar sex question. Some researchers don’t believe in the G spot; others staunchly defend its existence but disagree about its exact location. One school of sex researchers maintains that the G spot is the glandular tissue around the urethra (found behind your pubic bone, about two inches inside your vagina). Others believe it’s really farther back, in a triangular area on the back of the bladder wall – called the trigone or T Zone – where three nerves come together. It’s probably some combination of these. But if your partner’s plucking the right strings, so to speak, does it matter which instrument he’s playing?

3. Can anal sex give me hemorrhoids?
Not as long as you’re relaxed and enjoying it, assures Ellen Barnard, MSSW, a sex educator/counselor and co-founder of A Woman’s Touch in Madison, Wisconsin (a-womans-touch.com). Hemorrhoids (painful swollen veins in the anal area) can result from excess pressure around your anus – say, when you’re really straining to go to the bathroom. But when you use a good lubricant and the penetration feels comfortable, not forced, there’s no risk of “backdoor sex” causing hemorrhoids.

In fact, some sex researchers believe tush play may actually prevent hemorrhoids. “It improves the strength and flexibility of the skin and muscles so that the anus is better able to respond to pressure, rather than bulging and producing hemorrhoids,” says Barnard.

4. Why don’t my privates look like a centerfold’s?
Beyond the extensive airbrushing magazine photos undergo, the hard truth is that even if you started with a nice, tight package, child birthing changes everything. Once you push a couple of 8- to 10-pound babies through the birth canal, things down there are gonna look more like Mary Poppins’ carpet bag than a cute little change purse.

Indeed, according to Bruce Rosenzweig, MD, director of urogynecology at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago, some women’s vaginas sag so much that they complain of discomfort while walking.

Age is, not surprisingly, another culprit. You don’t expect to look like the pouty-lipped young things in Clearasil ads when you’re 45, right? Well, just as the lips around your mouth can thin with age, so can the lips in your southern hemisphere. “Women lose fat in that area, the elasticity and tone of the tissue decreases and the inner vaginal lips droop,” explains Dolores Kent, MD, a Beverly Hills ob/gyn and cosmetic surgeon.

But in the same way women can opt for Restalyne or collagen to fill and plump, those who want to recapture the vaginas of their youth can have labiaplasty (trimming up the inner lips) and/or perinealplasty (tightening the vaginal opening). Although some women “have their vaginas done” because vaginal changes cause medical problems or make sex uncomfortable, Dr. Kent says that 85% of the women who come to her for such procedures are worried about aesthetics. “They’ve seen the men’s magazines and feel their vulvas aren’t pretty,” she says.

5. If I’m uncomfortable with how I smell down there, can I change it?
Sure, but you’re probably worrying needlessly, says Mary Jane Minkin, MD, clinical director of obstetrics and gynecology at Yale University School of Medicine in New Haven, Connecticut. “Most of the women who come in saying I smell really bad smell fine,” she says. Still, if you’re concerned, see your gyn because strong odor (and discharge) is a sign of a bacterial infection. If there’s no infection and you’re still worried about your scent, avoiding spicy or pungent foods may help, says Rosenzweig.

Minkin often recommends an over-the-counter product called Rephresh that rebalances the vagina’s pH and makes you more fragrant. Don’t use douches or feminine sprays. Not only are they irritating, they can alter the vagina’s natural flora, which increases your risk of getting an infection and can mask an existing one.

6. Do I have a greater risk for infection if my genitals are pierced?
“It’s probably not a great idea to have foreign objects around your genitalia because areas that are prone to moisture and intimate contact are very attractive to bacteria,” says Rosenzweig. “But if you have great hygiene and a normal immune system, a genital piercing isn’t going to increase your risk for yeast infections or bacterial vaginosis.”

Still, some people always have a little redness or irritation around pierced areas, even when they’re in ho-hum spots like ears, noses or navels. So, if your piercing seems perpetually inflamed, take it out.

7. If I have been diagnosed with HPV once in the past, do I still have it? And am I still at risk for cervical cancer?
If you’ve had sex, you’ve probably bumped into human papilloma virus (HPV) – about 80% of sexually active people have been exposed to at least one of the 30 known strains of HPV. However, in the vast majority of cases – 90% – the infection clears up on its own. Odds are, you won’t even realize you had it. The thing to keep in mind is that while most HPV viruses come and go without notice, about 10 strains can increase your risk of developing cervical cancer.

The best way to protect yourself is with routine Pap tests, which look for changes in the cervix that could eventually become cancer. “We don’t know why some women develop cervical cancer and others don’t,” says Thomas Herzog, MD, director of the division of gynecologic oncology at Columbia University in New York City. “But there are millions of women with HPV and just over 11,000 cases of cervical cancer in the U.S. each year, so if you’re screened regularly, it’s very unlikely you’ll develop cervical cancer. And if you did it would be caught extremely early and likely completely cured.”

Most women over 30 who’ve had three consecutive normal Paps are now advised to be screened only every two to three years. If you’re under 26, consider getting the new HPV vaccine, Gardasil, which protects against the four main strains of HPV responsible for about 70% of cervical cancers.

Biggest Sex Myths – Exposed!

2007-04-10T17:33:00Z

MYTH: You can’t get pregnant if you do it standing up.

FACT: Sperm are Olympic-class swimmers with a single-mission mentality – find the egg and procreate. “The underlying assumption is that if you’re standing up, it’s harder for sperm to swim in the direction they need to go and therefore harder for you to get pregnant,” explains A. Akers, MD,“But the reality is, sperm can swim in any direction, and they swim pretty darn fast.”

MYTH: You can’t get pregnant if he pulls out.

FACT: You’d think that if a guy doesn’t ejaculate inside you, there would be no sperm to hook up with the egg. Wrong. Guys produce a tiny bit of liquid called “pre-ejaculate” that is absolutely teeming with sperm. And the kicker: Guys can release this fluid at any time during sex without even realizing it. “Even if a guy pulls out right before [ejaculation], it’s more than likely he’s already deposited sperm,” warns Akers.

MYTH: Douching is the best way to keep clean down there.

FACT: It’s estimated that 20% to 40% of women douche – and about half do so weekly. Still, gynecologists say the best way to keep your nether region clean is to leave it alone. “People think it’s like cleaning any other part of your body, but your vagina has its own self-cleaning mechanism,” explains Akers. “It produces its own fluids that help to wash things out while also keeping the right bacteria around in the right proportions.” Using homemade or store-bought douches (usually solutions of water, vinegar, baking soda, or iodine) upsets the vagina’s natural balance of bacteria and increases the risk for yeast and other vaginal infections. And because douching can push bacteria from the vagina higher up into the reproductive organs, it may also contribute to pelvic inflammatory disease, a major cause of infertility.

MYTH: You can only get herpes if you have sex when your partner has an outbreak.

FACT: Transmission risk is highest during an outbreak, but because carriers can shed the herpes virus at any time, they can also infect their partners at any time during unprotected sex, says A. Savage, MD,. According to the latest statistics from the CDC, 11% of men and 23% of women have genital herpes, while 56% of men and 60% of women have oral herpes, which can be spread to the genitals through oral sex. The best way to prevent transmission is to use condoms and dental dams for intercourse and oral sex and to avoid sex during outbreaks. Won’t condoms protect during an outbreak, too? Not always. “Herpes is a skin infection, not something transmitted by bodily fluids like HIV or gonorrhea,” explains Savage. “If either partner has an open sore outside the area covered by a condom, they could transmit herpes even with a condom.”

MYTH: If you’re aroused, you shouldn’t need lubricant.

FACT: Needing more lubrication than your body naturally produces is not a sign that your guy’s failing to arouse you. “A lot of people equate wetness with how turned on they are, but that’s not necessarily an accurate barometer,” assures A. Semans, author of Good Vibrations Guide To Sex. Your monthly cycle, pregnancy, illness, menopause, medications like antihistamines and decongestants can all affect how wet you get, no matter how much water or how many caffeinated beverages you drink. And if you’re using condoms – even lubricated ones – you’ll definitely need extra lube. “Latex tends not to slide well even if you are naturally lubricated,” says Savage.

MYTH: You can become addicted to your vibrator.

FACT: Contrary to the Sex and the City episode in which Charlotte develops an unnatural attachment to her vibrator, sexperts say that even if you climax faster and more easily with battery-powered assistance, a vibrator won’t ruin your ability to achieve orgasm with your partner. “We can still have orgasms if we take the time, but we’re so used to the quick response we get from the vibrator [that] we get impatient and give up,” explains E. Barnard, a sex educator/counselor and co-founder of A Woman’s Touch in Madison, Wisconsin (www.a-womans-touch.com).

Semans offers this advice for the more than 20% of women who use vibrators: “Put your vibrator away for a few months, and you’ll find that your response to fingers or a tongue comes back.” That said, there’s nothing wrong with introducing your partner to your vibrator, especially if you’re self-conscious about how long it takes you to climax without one. “Most people feel okay with their partner’s hand on their clitoris,” says Semans. “So putting a fingertip vibrator on his finger just adds a little extra buzz.”

MYTH: Bigger is better.

FACT: Some women have definite size preferences, says C. Queen, PhD, staff sexologist at the online sex toy boutique Good Vibrations (www.goodvibes.com). Still, a huge “package” doesn’t automatically translate into mind-boggling sex. In fact, sexperts say that women more often complain that their partner is too big than too small. “There’s more to erotic pleasure than size,” says Queen. “It’s about how a guy uses his hands or mouth or how sexy a woman feels before she gets to the bedroom.” Still, if you want something bigger, your partner can wear rings or sleeves that add length and girth. In addition, says Barnard, doing kegel exercises will tighten your pelvic floor muscles and let you “adapt to whatever size partner you have.”

MYTH: All women can experience orgasm just through vaginal penetration.

FACT: Contrary to the movie-sex cliché where women start screaming Yes, Yes, YES! the moment a man enters them, the truth is only about 20% to 30% of women experience orgasm through intercourse alone. So, there’s no need to be shy about reaching down and giving yourself a hand (or a buzz). “Putting your hand on your clitoris during sex really ups the chances that you’ll have an orgasm,” says Queen.

MYTH: There’s no such thing as the G spot.

FACT: Like the lost city of Atlantis, this pleasure zone’s exact location sparks great debate. There’s no consensus on where to find it. Some sex researchers say it’s the glandular tissue around the urethra (found behind your pubic bone, about two inches inside your vagina). Others believe it’s further back, in a triangular area on the back of the bladder wall – called the trigone or T Zone – where three nerves come together.

“The fact is, every time anyone shines a microscope on genital anatomy, they find some other thing that will get a woman engorged during arousal and that probably has some separate, specific neurological function,” says Queen. “The acreage is dense down there. We’re not talking about things that are spread far apart or that can be stimulated separately without stimulating the surrounding erogenous areas. It’s pretty much all going to be working together.”

Myth or Fact: Test Your Sexpertise
You like to have it and feel great afterward...of course we're talking about sex! While hitting the sheets with your partner may be the best part of your day, how much do you really know when it comes to all things sex? Take this sex myths quiz to find out. Viv

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way.

2007-04-09T04:03:00Z

It means I won't allow anyone to step on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch. The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be whom I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.

I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want when I want it and there is nothing wrong with that! So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed. And if that makes me a bitch , so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself

OR:

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

OR:

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything

OR:

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Causes
H = Hard Ons!

"If you can't do something right, get a woman to do it."

Momma's Boy

2007-04-09T03:34:00Z

I didn't perk the coffee right, He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks the way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer, I was looking for a clue.

Then I turned around and smacked the shit out of him...

Like his mother used to do! -- Vivian

Does anybody remember exactly how the poem below goes?

Grant me the patience to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.
Because Lord if I pray for Strength, I'll Kill Him!

Mid-life is a great time for women...Puhleeeeeeeze!

2007-04-09T03:10:00Z

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.

Mid-life means that you become more reflective . . . You start pondering the "big" questions.
What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

Share this with four women and you will lose 2 pounds.

Share this with all the women you know (or ever knew), and you will lose 10 pounds.

If you do not share this you will gain 10 pounds immediately. Why take a chance share today! Vivian

6 Reasons You’re Not in the Mood

2007-04-06T02:41:00Z

You remember having a sex drive once. Fondly, in fact. But lately, it seems like you need a GPS tracker to locate your libido. You’re not alone. It’s estimated that about one-third of American women experience some type of underactive sexual disorder – otherwise known as “I’m not in the mood tonight.”

Here are six common sex drive sappers – and six solutions to help you put the va-va-voom back in your bedroom:

1. You’re stressed. - It would take a small army of clowns to match what one working mom juggles every day. But as any veteran multitasker knows, the more balls you’ve got in the air, the more stressed you become. And when you start looking for items to scrap from your To Do list, sex is often the first to go.

“Women can do many things at once, which works to our advantage work-wise and life-wise, but it does make things hard sexually,” says sex and relationship therapist L. Berman, PhD, author of Passion Prescription. “Most women find themselves in a situation where they just put the kids to bed and cleaned up the kitchen and made lunch for the next day, and they can finally pass out or watch TV, and the last thing they feel like doing is having sex.”

What can help: Ask your partner to take over some chores. If he can take a little off your plate, you can relax, which means you’re “better able to respond sexually,” says Berman.

2. You’re using hormone-based contraceptives. - This is a cruel irony: The very kinds of birth control that are meant to inspire free-spirited nooky (i.e. pills, patches, rings, and injections) lower testosterone levels. For some women, that depresses libido.

What can help: Talk to your gynecologist about swapping brands. Birth control pills contain estrogen and various types of synthetic progesterone called progestin. In some pills, the progestin behaves more like testosterone and can actually increase libido, explains M. Minkin, MD, clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Yale University School of Medicine. Or opt for a barrier method (diaphragm, cervical cap, condoms, or IUD), which has no affect on sex drive.

3. You’re taking medication. - Contraceptives aren’t the only meds that can take the wind out of your sails. Benzodiazepines, like Valium and Xanax, can also short-circuit your sex drive. So can beta-blockers taken for high blood pressure and antihistamines, which can dry up your vagina along with your runny nose. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) antidepressants can blunt desire to such a degree that men often take them to remedy premature ejaculation, according to sex researcher B. Whipple, PhD, co-author of The Science of Orgasm.

What can help: Try a different beta-blocker or antidepressant. If you’re feeling good on your SSRIs, and your only complaint is that you wish you felt more sexual, talk with your doctor about adjusting your dosage. Mixing a low dose of another kind of antidepressant, like Wellbutrin, with your SSRI can restore libido, says Minkin.

4. You’re not sleeping well. - According to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, women are more than twice as likely as men to have trouble sleeping. And sleeplessness has an enormous impact on desire. First, not getting enough shut-eye disrupts sex hormones like estrogen and progesterone. But perhaps more important, missing out on sleep can make you too irritable for sex. And if it’s your hubby’s snoring that’s robbing you of snooze time, you probably feel more like smothering him with a pillow than smothering him with kisses.

What can help: Make your bedroom a dark, quiet, sleep-friendly haven. Banish work items, turn off the TV and invest in a comfortable mattress. Use earplugs and a sleep mask to block out light and noise. Check your meds to ensure that they don’t contain stimulants. You can also talk with your doctor about a short-term prescription for sleeping pills if you need more help getting a good night’s rest. If your partner is keeping you up, talk with him about ways to diminish his snoring (like losing weight and avoiding alcohol in the evening, for example). If all else fails, take your partner to a sleep specialist. “When you sleep better and are less irritable, you’re a lot more interested in sex,” says Minkin. That should be good enough incentive for him!

5. You have an overactive bladder. - About one-third of women with overactive bladders “leak” during intercourse, states J. Miller, MD, associate professor of urology at the University of Washington in Seattle. Miller believes that orgasm may cause a slight blip in communication between the brain and bladder. “The bladder always wants to go to the bathroom and the only reason it doesn’t is because there are these inhibitory messages sent from the brain to the bladder saying no,” explains Miller. For some women, orgasm may override these messages and as a result, they release a small amount of urine during sex. “It only has to happen once or twice for women to become sensitive about this, and that puts a damper on their interest because they don’t want to pee on their partners,” says Miller.

What can help: Making a pit stop before sex may reduce the chances of a spill, since involuntary bladder contractions are often triggered by volume, says Miller. You can also talk to your doctor about getting a prescription for medications like Detrol or Ditropan, used to treat overactive bladder.

6. You’re in menopause. - You lose about 90% of your estrogen – the sex hormone largely responsible for arousal and lubrication – once you hit this milestone. As levels drop, the vaginal tissue thins and dries out, which can make sex painful enough to make you want to opt out for good. For many women, the drop in estrogen alone explains a dive in libido. But other aspects of menopause may also leave you feeling decidedly unsexy. Among them: hot flashes, weight gain, mood swings, apprehension about getting older, and the erratic, heavy menstruation that can occur before your periods stop for good.

Menopause typically occurs around age 51, but some surgeries and chemotherapy can trigger menopause earlier, which may put even more of a damper on desire. A recent survey found that while 9% of women who experienced natural menopause reported low sex drive, disinterest among women whose menopause was induced by surgery, was as high as 26%. What can help: Conventional wisdom is “use it or lose it.” Having sex encourages blood flow to the genitals, explains Minkin. Generally speaking, the more sex you have, the more you want. That said, talk to your gynecologist about medications that make sex more comfortable. Ask about topical testosterone, which can increase desire in postmenopausal women, and estrogen-based creams or suppositories, which remedy vaginal dryness.

What’s Lowering Your Libido?
It’s estimated that around one third of women have lost interest in sex. So what gives? Turns out, a host of health issues can cause your sex drive to fizzle. How much do you know about what keeps your motor humming? Take a test here http://www.lifescript.com/quiz/quiz.asp?bid=38942 you will need to enter your name and e-mail to get your results and go past an annoying page of offers just select nothing and hit next.

Here are my results.

Congratulations! You're well schooled in the subject of libido, and you do everything you can to keep your sex drive running high - and your partner happy. And if you ever run into problems you think are beyond your control, you're not afraid to consult your doctor. Just in case you missed any questions, here are the correct answers:

Yeah right, No cheating, get your own answers. Viv

My Mother's 60th Birthday Party

2007-04-03T03:29:00Z

I just wanted to share a pic of a dancer we had as a Surprise for my mother's 60th Birthday.
He came in dressed as a police officer. We told her there was a complaint about the music.
At first she was confused and didn't know what was going on, then she was a little frightened.
Finally she got into it and boy did she get into it!

All the ladies had a great time and it is something my mother will never forget.

One time...

2007-04-02T17:37:00Z

Ever do something you wouldn't want anybody to know? Ever had a fantasy you wanted to share but were afraid of what others might think? Ever wonder what other Ladies have experienced?

I know I have questions, I know I like to try new things and I know I would love to share ANONYMOUSLY!!

Join up share, ask questions, enjoy! And don't forget you can comment anonymously, no one will know who you are and you won't know who the others are. Hey it's better than a masquerade party!

CHEERS! VIV

Ladies Night - Coming up June 2007

2007-04-02T02:15:00Z

When was the last time you had a fun girls night out? Don't you deserve it? You’re being tempted along by the promise of some six-pack – absolutely nothing to do with beer (that’s a guarantee). This party night is about you ladies having fun all the way, lots of giggling and maybe just a little drooling.

Girls it’s about time you let your hair down properly and inject a bit of debauchery into your weekend. Get your cameras ready as this is what naughty night memories are made of.

And what a shopping opportunity! Whether you are single, married, dating or coupled up. We have products for every person, from sensual bath products, products just for her, products just for him, and products for the two of you to enjoy together. From the tamest of bath and massage products to the most daring of toys and vibrators. Whatever’s your pleasure we can cater.

Have fun with your girls in a sexy, safe, fun, and confidential ordering environment. Products presented by MisSofty's Toys.

I will be posting the details as I go along, I need to get feedback to see how many Ladies are definetely interested. Deposits will be collected at the end of April with balance due in May.

Hope to see you for an amazing night of fun and lots of laughter. Viv